3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
