If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
