U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
