Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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