Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
