My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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