ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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