I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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