I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
