Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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