I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
