Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
