Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
