I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Drake has all the answers
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
