you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
