im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
