If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
