our cab driver is having phone sex.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
