like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
