you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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