well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
