the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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