I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
