Everything about him screamed your future.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
