TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
