You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
