i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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