why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
