Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

Dude my mom stole all your condoms

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(732): View more from New Jersey

she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.

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(312): View more from Illinois

Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.

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(540): View more from Virginia

i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth

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(562): View more from California

Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?

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(989): View more from Michigan

Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.

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