I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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