Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Holy sore nipples Batman
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
