i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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