...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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