Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize