I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
