You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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