My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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