fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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