Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
