My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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