Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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