At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
