I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
