i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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