How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
