The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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