You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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