I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
