I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
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The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
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I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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