I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i barfeds in our rink
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
