Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
