I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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