I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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