Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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