i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The adults are the big ones right?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
