im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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