i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
