Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Rumble strips road head = magical
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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