After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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