Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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