I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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