I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
