I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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