My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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