I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
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I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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