I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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